...and I should know, I've had years of practise...
The time has come to share my wisdom and stupidity with a wider audience. My husband tells me is has been a source of bemusement for him for many years. He has no idea...
When we had been dating for a wee while we progressed on to being intimate (me_blushes). It was around this time that I learned to regret the close proximity of my en-suite bathroom to the bedroom.
The convenience was all very nice, but it left me with a perplexing choice. Either go to a different level of the house to use another bathroom or face the fact he was going to be lying in bed and listening to me tinkling or, god forbid, farting. Now I don't know why that bothered me so much, as by that stage in our relationship I didn't exactly have anything left to hide!
I decided the only thing to do was create a diversion. So whenever I went into the bathroom I turned the tap on to drown out any other "noises" emanating from the bathroom. This went on for months until something else happened... One night he went into the bathroom and turned the tap on as well. We had not discussed my little "tap habit" at all prior to that and when I realised he was also turning the tap on, I had to stuff the pillow in my mouth to try and stifle the hysterical giggling. But interestingly, I also learned that paranoia is contagious and lack of communication can be more powerful than communication. I was too embarrassed to say anything, so we continued in the same way for about two years before buying our current house six years ago.
The other week we were talking about my old house and my husband mentioned he didn't miss the ensuite plumbing at all as it had always irritated him that he had to turn the tap on to use the toilet. I gave him a puzzled look and his reply made my day...
"Yeah, well, you used to always turn the tap on so I figured there was a problem with the plumbing, so I turned the tap on as well"
